so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
