she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
