Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
