I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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