K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
