I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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