She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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