It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
