Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
