i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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