New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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