you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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