Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
