Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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