I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
