Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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