i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
