Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
