He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I forget how to act sober
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
