i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
