smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
