I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
