Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
