For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry my hands just texted you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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