the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
