Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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