the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
