Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize