I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
