I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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