You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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