I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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