The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
