boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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