I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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