If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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