Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
