Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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