My underwear smells like fireworks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
