Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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