I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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