dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
