omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
