tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
