So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
