Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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