i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
