Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
