so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
