If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
