Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
