I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
