K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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