Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
