everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
