the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
