I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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