whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
