i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
false alarm. still invincible.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
