I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
