dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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