I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
