Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
