So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
