just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
