can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
