What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
