Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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