i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My ass is underappreciated
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
