you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
